Just in case you're lurking.

2008-06-08T04:48:16Z

I was laying in the tub tonight with Zac and Sara stuck in my head, a song I've pretty much avoided since the downfall in Vancouver.
Stefani told me once that Sara loved that song because it shared the same spelling as her name...
How could I have ever suspected that a Ben Folds song could help me so much?

Sara was Stephani's best friend before I moved to Vancouver, which isn't to say that I was ever her best friend, because I can see now that she had massive amounts of trust issues, but I tried to be.
She was the best friend I had in Vancouver, I tried to bridge the distance she created but I never really got there.
We moved in together, which I was excited about because it would provide me with the situation to be in constant contact with her, the way I prefer people.
I tried to reach out to her, but she stayed in her room all the time.
No one in the house was paying rent besides me, all for various reasons; I fell in to my support mode, and did what I could.
Meanwhile, my friendships flourished with the people in the house who actually met my effort.
It wasn't for a while before I started getting bitter about it.
They were working, why couldn't they pay a little in rent?
It had been MONTHS since they dropped a single dime on rent before I ever confronted them about it.
In December we got a notice from the office saying that we had tennants who weren't on the lease, and that they would have to leave or we would be evicted.
It was true, we were like a fucking homeless shelter.
Daniel, Stefani and I all had a talk, and we ended up deciding that everyone who wasn't on the lease had to go.
It wasn't a straight compromise, they fought for someone to stay, just as I fought for someone to stay, this was more our lack of compromise.

In the end, I decided to move out, some buillshit went about, they told me THEY were moving out, and had been planning on it for a long time.
So I gave up, and I stayed in the apartment I hated with one of the roomates who was supposed to move out in December, who I was going to move out with when I left the apartment.

A couple months passed and there was no evidence that they were moving, my saving dwindled and finally I got pissed, and told them they had to be out by the end of May.
I kicked out my other roommate and moved to Astoria.

After I told them to pay rent or get out, they started tearing me down.
I never understood until tonight that they were angry because I pulled their free ride, I asserted boundries when for a year there had been none.

I'm done kicking myself about this.
Game over.
You lose.

_flatline_

2007-08-19T10:02:10Z

this journal is effing DEAD.
much like Refused.
but not nearly as cool.

Post here if I forgot to add you to my new one.

{{lifestory}}

Just in case you're lurking.

_flatline_